Asking For Help

In my teens I ruined my teeth (or weakened them like crazy) with bulimia. In my early 20’s I starved myself relentlessly.

In my 30’s and 40’s I picked up emotional eating like it was this amazing new best friend.

It was quite easy to convince myself that I was mentally doing BETTER, because I was eating enough. I wasn’t purging.

I found out Vyvanse is prescribed now for binge eating disorder. I went to my doctor and poured my heart out. I cried. I told the embarrassing truth.

I’m now diagnosed with Binge Eating Disorder.

It’s a real blow to the ego. I know anorexia should be to, but let’s face facts. Anorexia is kind of trendy. It’s something the celebrities have. This just feels like I’m out of control, and I’m working on being a fat chick.

At 4’11 and 145 pounds, my BMI is touching obesity.

My goal is 105…sounds small, but it’s healthy for my height.

Not long ago I was 115… Binge eating is a bitch.

My insurance requires an authorization for Vyvanse. It was denied saying I had to try Zoloft.

Zoloft gave me a rash,, caused a stutter, gave me sweats, and made my life hell.

So, my doctor said they sent a new request to the insurance. With the holiday, I’m looking at Thursday as a possibility to hear anything.

I’m still obsessed with Fitness. I ❤️ working out. I follow Fitness professionals. I just needed to admit I needed extra support, at least for now.

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In Defense of “Fitspo”

A disclaimer first…

So, if you’re in a bad place mentally, fitspo may be “thinspo.”

Also…

I’m going to come out and say it, I love fitspo. I scroll Instagram (amyminohio) in the morning while having breakfast. By the time breakfast is done, I’m ready to kill my planned workout.

Lately I’ve been seeing pictures online interrupting my fitspo browsing in google to find things to post. These are working to make me feel guilty or like looking isn’t a good idea.

Well, I KNOW. I’m a 40 year old mother of 3. I even have the cutest grandson in the world…

See? Totally adorable

This one 😡. I think the saying in the original quote said the same thing. By saying the only bad workout is the one you didn’t do gives permission to be at your level – any workout is a good workout!

Am I really expected to believe this meme is going to make me perfect? And where did it say workout every day anyway?

This one isn’t correcting fitspo – the top portion is “thinspo” used to fuel an eating disorder by the proana community.

What do you think of fitspo? Does it affect your self esteem? Or, do you like it like I do? I subscribe to “Strong” magazine full of fit women pictures. I don’t have to, and no one has to follow a fitspo account.

Diet Changes…

So, on my way to work today I was listening to Jillian Michaels’ podcast for the week. There are not many people I trust as much as I trust Jillian when it comes to health and fitness.

She talked about intermittent fasting.

It turns out that weight loss isn’t the only benefit.

I am not going to do 16 hours a day. I’m going to do 12….5:30 to 5:30am when I have my amino/creatine mix drink.

Another change starting today…cutting excess sugar. I’m all out of Zone bars. Today I had a snack of veggies and chicken instead. I mix flavored instant coffee into my tea in the morning. It’s almost gone, and today I bought plain low acidic instant coffee. I’ll be making that switch in the next couple of days.

I know I need to take care of my health better. I want to be healthier and stronger. That’s how I see myself.

Jillian’s podcast is a must listen!

I’m hoping this sugar cut, and intermittent fasting will help with my goal of overcoming emotional eating.

I’ll post weekly how I’m doing.

Body vs Self

Body image. I’ve heard so much about body image. Maybe the saying shouldn’t be about everyone having opinions, it should be everyone has some kind of crazy body image!

I used to think my problem was my body image. I’m really not so sure anymore. Now I think my problem might be that I blurred the line between body image and self image.

I feel like my body is fat, and I translate that into some kind of list of character flaws. Me being overweight means I’m lazy, weak, sloppy, and if I’m being completely open here, I usually worry that I smell bad too.

None of it is logically true.

I don’t put those adjectives on others around me. I can sit and think, and I’m sure I could make a list of overweight people. I don’t assume they smell, are lazy, or are sloppy. I’ve personally known some overweight hard-working, well-put together, and decidedly not smelly people.

I think I need to blog more again. It’s good to think these things through

I don’t have to be a stereotype, but I start to wonder if I’m nice and overweight if I seem like one. I’m not obese, and really I’m not THAT overweight. I’m truly a nice person inside. I love people.

Maybe I feel fake on the inside when I’m at “war” with my outside, because I feel like this isn’t my “true” outside. 🤔 I need to stay who I am while becoming what I imagine on the outside.

How do I keep them separate!?!?

That question may just hold the answer to my healthy self-esteem

Intuitive Eating or Counting for me?

I’ve been seeing talk of intuitive eating again. Apparently this is supposed to help with weight loss.

So easy for those that don’t eat until they’re sick…and keep going. I’ve read up on it. I know a lot of people find it tedious to log food into a food journal. I have to, though.

Eating listening to my body?

1 – “ditch the diet mentality” – I get it. I’m on a diet 99% of the time. Here’s the thing though…when I’m not, I’m eating in excess of 5,000 calories a day, and I’m gaining weight. I’m gaining it amazingly fast. Have you seen the show “My 600lb life”? I could so easily go there.

2 – “Learn to listen to your body” – that sounds so amazing. Except…my body really wants white sugar…by the spoonful…and peanut butter…by the jar.

3 – “Avoid good/bad thinking about food” – this one I probably could work on. Moderation isn’t a strong point (see 1 & 2)

4 – “Handle emotions without using food” – I’m not sure I’ve ever done this. Happy? Time to eat! Sad? Time for fast food! Angry? Crunch on some tacos! Tacos work for all emotions. I could probably do with some therapy over this one. Hell, I even have used not eating to numb emotions.

5 – “Practice body acceptance” – ok so I am really really working on this one. I’m looking at exercise purposefully as a loving activity. I’m trying to see my healthy food as loving nourishment instead of how low can the calories go!?!?

I’m really impressed by you intuitive eaters. I’m just not sure how you do it…

So, I’ll keep logging…but just maybe I’ll think about how I’m feeling about what I’m logging.

3 Weeks of Chalean Extreme

It’s time to get Extreme baby!!

I’m getting pretty tired of putting on weight little by little. So, I pulled myself together. Woe is me, I’m going backwards…

No, I have the knowledge. I haven’t gone all the way back to where I started, and I have an unbelievable support system in my husband.

Yes, I have stress. Two disabled kids and a job interview tomorrow is on the short list. At some point, that just feels like an excuse. I’m always going to have stress.

The next three weeks I’m going to do a week of each phase of Chalean Extreme. I’ll throw in Piyo on the rest days.

This week:

Monday: Burn Circuit 1

Tuesday: Piyo Sweat

Wednesday: Burn Circuit 2

Thursday: Burn Intervals & Ab Burner

Friday: Burn Circuit 3

Saturday: Burn it Off & Recharge

Sunday: Piyo Drench

These 3 weeks will lead me into doing Jillian’s BodyShred Program.

My diet is going back to basics (which seems to always work best.)

Macros have been figured using “MyMacros” and entered into MyFitnessPal

I also bought a food scale to get the most accurate macro measurement of my food.

One of my favorite fitness professionals Pauline Nordin talked me into the food scale on her podcast. It’s amazing, so check it out.

Off to work on something else I’ve been slacking on!

1 Week of Cindy

My husband and I are going to do BodyShred starting 2/26/18. Until then I have some workout free time 🤗

I’ve been struggling big time with diet. I’ve been eating when I’m stressed, happy, sad, and insert random emotion here.

I weighed in at 124.4 this week, and I’m not thrilled about it. I’ve decided I need to make diet and exercise fun again. So, I’m going back to my “roots” this week.

I did this Cindy Crawford workout VHS around 1999 when I was over 200lbs. All I could lift were canned goods, and the workout kicked my butt like crazy. It was fun, though, and I liked doing it. This week I’m doing it again with 8 & 10 pound dumbbells.

Monday – workout 1

Tuesday- workout 2

Wednesday- TurboFire Fire 45 & Stretch

Thursday- workout 1

Friday- workout 2

Saturday- TurboFire Fire 45 & Stretch 10

I love Fitness.

I love reading/studying nutrition info

I love the process

I just need to remind myself that I love it

50 Dollars a Year – Invested in ME

So, thanks to a very supportive husband I took a leap of good faith in myself.

I’ve been using MyFitnessPal for a long time, and today I signed up for the Premium Service. It’s $50 a year, and I admit, when compared to the cost of a gym or trainer (I workout at home), it doesn’t seem like much. It does feel like I’m making a statement. I’m paying to track macros more effectively. I’m paying to not have my exercise calories added into my calorie allowance (like Jillian says.) I’m paying for bonus content. There’s a lot more to premium that I have to explore, but it feels like I’m claiming my fitness goals.

I’m making a statement- I’m going to reach my goals. I’m a serious exercise person. I’m really into tracking my macros and getting to know how my body works.

Who knew it would bring on this motivation level!?!?

Wonder Woman Not Nominated

Yes, I love this movie. I saw it in the theater 4 times, and Gal Gadot posters hang in my house and at my desk at work.

That’s not the only reason it not being nominated sucks so much.

It’s the moment above that inspires me, still gives me chills (even when finding the still shot for this post), and makes me pause whatever I’m doing when it comes up in the movie at home.

Patty Jenkins used the blue smoke to make her outfit pop. I learned that in the Blu Ray special features. I learned from this moment that a woman CAN carry a big super hero movie. Right there, on that screen, was my childhood hero being my childhood hero.

The movie was one of the highest grossing movies of 2017. This made my imagination run wild. They, the movie people, have to take notice! Bring on Gwenpool! Bring on Black Widow! Bring on all my favorite female super heroes! Oooh a Scarlet Witch movie?!?! Or at least a bigger role for her…

I saw women crying in the theater. I saw my niece punch her fist in the air in victory from pure adrenaline and emotion. Yes, my little niece, you can totally take over the world.

Check out Saturday Morning Cheap Seats on YouTube. My husband gives a beautifully done review.

The academy forgot her. Or they ignored her. My husband is probably right. The people’s choice awards will most likely be Wonder Woman heavy.

I just hope the nominations – or lack of – doesn’t stop other female led and/or directed masterpieces.

123

I need to give myself perspective I guess.

To be completely honest, I fell way off the healthy eating wagon. I slammed my head into the wheel on the way down.

I stopped tracking my macros. I stopped tracking my calories.

However, the perspective I need is I didn’t let it last that long. I’ve been off track for about a week. I’ve been not quite as careful (still tracking, but going over limits consistently) for about a month.

Chalene says, “Don’t let a slip turn into a slide”

So, I’m not. I only went up to 123lbs. At 4’11, I’m within a healthy weight range. It’s the high end of healthy sure, and higher than I like for sure. But, it’s not back to square one.

And I have all the knowledge I need.

And I have an excellent support system (anyone who works out at home would be jealous. I have a husband who even gets my equipment set up.)

So, it’s back to it…and give myself a freaking break!